Note Bonding Opportunities [don't throw good ones away]

Until recently I missed the importance of bonding with others through situations that are emotionally intense for the group, outside of routine reality. That made my work less effective than it could have been.

I published AIDS Treatment News for 20 years, and there were many memorial services. I attended reluctantly, because our message at the newsletter was about saving lives, which had been ignored for too long by early AIDS responses focused on "a beautiful death" and processing grief, instead of medical research for lifesaving treatments. Once I was invited to a private gathering after a service, by an insider group at another AIDS treatment organization. I turned it down, due to not wanting to focus on death. That was a mistake, as emotional bonding across that organizational divide could have helped both of us be more effective.

In a much earlier example, I left a college group trying to deal with the Cuban Missile Crisis in October 1962 (would we be alive the next day?) - to get to my job cleaning dorms, which could have been postponed at little cost.

Shared intense experience matters, and can open doors to exploring meaningful possibilities. Advance preparation can help - even if we don't know what the experience will be. For example, practices might teach how to deal with an awkward silence if it occurs. It’s important to learn first in casual, less important situations, where you have freedom to try ideas and recover from mistakes.

Caution: the need for bonding can go wrong, by encouraging unnecessary conflicts or wars, in order to provide common enemies to help cover up problems within a society. The human future may depend on finding better ways to handle polarization.